Habakkuk 1:12 - 2:1 Danielle and Reuben Flack

God, I'm too stubborn by Laura Botkins

God, I'm too stubborn.  I hate that the only way I often submit to you is when life is too hard. I think I can do it all on my own.  I like control.  I know I am experiencing your discipline right now so I will submit to you.  I have to leave it all at your feet.  There are days when I don't want to get out of bed and see what is next; I do not want to see what goes wrong next.  I cannot do this apart fron you.  Lord hear my cry.

Habakkuk 1:1-4 (You Do Not Save); Habakkuk 1:5-11 (Sending Savages) by Susan Park

Response One, Habakkuk 1:1-4

YOU DO NOT SAVE

I don't want to open my eyes,
I don't want to open my heart.
The pain of the world is overwhelming;
Feeling it all will tear me apart.

You
How can You
How can You stand by?

I can better understand Your absence
That understand how You can just stand there

Worst of all are the cries of a child
- broken bones, broken hearts, stony eyes.
Past bearing are the injuries of your little ones
Justice fails, hope dies.

Response Two, Habakkuk 1:5-11

SENDING SAVAGES

You are relentless
     in calling me home
You raise up wolves
     to devour my flesh
You overwhelm,
     Tearing down my defenses
I cower in fear and dread.
How ruthless you are
     in leading me to righteousness!

Authenticity by Ashton Cepin

Habakkuk: The Discipline of God by Rueben Flack

Habakkuk: tHE dISCIPLINE oF God by Danielle Flack

Habakkuk: The Discipline of God

Per Eric’s challenge I am trying to pinpoint times in my life that God has disciplined me and for what reason. I have recalled 2 instances where God’s discipline came upon me and surprisingly (although it should not be) they were for the same sin. The sin of independence and rebellion are close to my heart. Looking back through my childhood, I cannot remember a time when I did not seek out and thrive on independence. This didn’t turn sinful, however, until I started having fairly severe episodes of anxiety in my adolescence. These episodes conjured a fear that went straight to my guts and left me nauseous and oftentimes throwing up. I did everything that my little 13-14 year old heart knew to trust in God and specifically in His healing of my anxiety, but to no avail. When it became clear to me that God was not going to deliver me from these bouts of nausea and vomiting, I choose to seek out solace from my own ability to manipulate and control the world around me either through my words or my image. This sense of power took away my fear and my sinful independent spirit was born. Fast forward a few years after having a very heart wrenching breakup with a boyfriend, I remember screaming at God as to why HE had allowed this relationship to progress to the point it had and why did I feel so empty at the loss of it. After I had exhausted my rage I sat in the stillness and heard God say “Danielle you had the walls around your heart so high that you refused to let even ME in. I could have used a bulldozer to knock them down but instead I lavished you with the LOVE of this boy so you would choose to take the walls down yourself so that when I took him away you could finally let me in”

This experience, I believe, was a gentle discipline and for a while I relished in the love of God but my natural independence paved the way for my sinful independence to be re-established. This time around it was more subtle. Instead of an outright rebellious attitude it was a mixed bag of obeying God and yet playing around the edges of doing things I knew probably weren’t right. Also my ability to make ‘a lot’ of money easily, fueled the idea that I was in control and I had a right to make my own plans. All the while feeling like I was really submitting to God because I was marrying the person He told me to marry, despite the backlash of that choice. I don’t even think I really connected with the knowledge that my sinful independence was once again taking over.

Caught up in the idea that my life was my own and the desires of my heart were all acceptable to pursue, I made plans for all my dreams to become a reality. I knew what I wanted and how to get there. I did not plan to become pregnant 6 weeks after my wedding. God used one of the greatest joys in my life, in the beginning, as a discipline to me for living as if my life was my own and MY desires were supreme. This discipline was harsher than the first because my independence and freedom to pursue independence were stripped by the vulnerability and responsibility of being with child.